I Heard the Bells

"I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And in despair I bowed my head;
"There is no peace on earth," I said;
"For hate is strong,And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"

This was the first Christmas carol I learned to play on the piano when I was a girl. It's a bit depressing as it was written at the beginning of the civil war by a man who had just lost his wife. The verse I have copied second came to my mind many times during the week past. Last week I was talking with my secretary and she told me the following story: Her neighbor is married to a senior army officer. She is a very pretty woman, but her husband no longer lives with them. This woman has two children, one in middle school and one in high school. In spite of this, she likes to party and goes out nearly every night. As a result, she had gotten pregnant four times and each time aborted the child. My secretary noticed a couple of months ago that her neighbor was again drinking the solution that is a common remedy to pregnancy in Thailand. She went to her and said, "Don't kill your baby, I'll take it in." She later noticed the woman beating her stomach my secretary went to her again. The neighbor said to her, "The other four babies were so easy to kill. Why is this one so difficult?" My secretary again begged for the life of the baby, saying, "I'm not rich, and I already have two children, but please, don't kill your baby. I will give it a home." The woman said, "When I found out I was pregnant, I went the temple to pray. I asked the monk what to do. He looked at my past and future and did not see the baby there. I cannot keep it." In the end, she succeeded in aborting her child. I try not to think too badly of the monk. Perhaps knowing that this woman has HIV he thought it better for the baby to die now than to be motherless in the not-too-distant future. At the same time, my secretary told me of several family members dying of HIV. One is her sister, who is now pregnant and will likely die shortly after her baby is born, leaving three small children. I was depressed because this is such a common story lately. HIV is leaving so many children without parents in this country. Unprecented sexual promiscuity is giving HIV plenty of opportunities. During the same week we were helping our landlords to buy the house adjoining to ours. We hardly knew the family that lived there. It was a grandmother and her many grandchildren ranging in age from young school-aged to college age. This woman worked at her own restaurant and worked very hard. She and her family were usually out the door before we were up and often returned late at night, usually around ten. Not being often there, we hardly saw them. When they did arrive home they quickly locked the door and turned out the lights. They were not particularly receptive to conversation and seemed to want to kept to themselves, an uncommon trait here in Thailand. To be honest, I never really tried to break down the barriers. When I found out they were to move, I heard more of the story from my landlord. The grandmother's mother's ex-husband was 3,000,000 baht in debt and due to the laws of this country, the great-grandmother was liable. The townhouse that her daughter and great-grandchildren lived in was to be sold to ease this burden. It was also revealed that the grandmother was raising them for their mother who was on drugs and had run off. On the night the sale was completed, the great-grandmother took us out for dinner. The grandmother looked weary with all her grandchildren around her, facing the prospect of raising them in a much smaller apartment. Unfortunately, even selling the house would only reduce their liability by 1/4. It was a depressing night, not only because this woman was in the middle of troubles loaded on her by the generation above and below, but also because we hadn't done anything to help her by sharing our source of hope during the time we were neighbors. As I reflected on these depressing situations, the problems I see around me all the time seemed far worse. We help out with an orphanage where few of the children are really orphans. I have come to realize that this is a common situation and many parents who can't or won't take care of their children put them in orphanages where they are fed and clothed and schooled, but are also vulnerable. All my efforts to try to ensure accountability for the safety of these children and perhaps try to restore them to their families have come to nearly nothing and on every side I meet indifference. It's hardly surprising since most organizations who deal with the rights of children are spending all their energies trying to stop the worst of the child exploitation. The children at our orphanage are fortunate by many standards.

I could recount many more stories just from the past month, but I think you get the idea about my frame of mind. I was feeling cynical, discouraged and evil seemed to be taking over.

The past week I took time off from work and stayed home most of the time. This helped, but I think it was only because being at home helps me forget about the needs in the world outside. The cynicism remained.

Every year, I read the Christmas story, and since I was home sick today from church, I thought I'd get a head start. I decided to start with Malachi. Being the last book in the old testament I thought it might give me an idea of the frame of mind that Israel was in before Christ came, in spite of the 400 year gap.

In Malachi, I found an Israel feeling much like myself. God had not yet returned to the temple and they were feeling abandoned by God, discouraged and were barely hanging onto their faith.

Here are some excerpts:
"I have always loved you,” says the Lord.
But you retort, “Really? How have you loved us?”

You have wearied the Lord with your words.
“How have we wearied him?” you ask.
You have wearied him by saying that all who do evil are good in the Lord’s sight, and he is pleased with them. You have wearied him by asking, “Where is the God of justice?”

“You have said, ‘What’s the use of serving God? What have we gained by obeying his commands or by trying to show the Lord of Heaven’s Armies that we are sorry for our sins? 15 From now on we will call the arrogant blessed. For those who do evil get rich, and those who dare God to punish them suffer no harm.’”

But in spite of all this, God makes a promise: “They will be my people,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “On the day when I act in judgment, they will be my own special treasure. I will spare them as a father spares an obedient child. 18 Then you will again see the difference between the righteous and the wicked, between those who serve God and those who do not.”

And I saw that it was true. In spite of my faithlessness God had always been merciful. I look around and see that the enemy offers no mercy, only death.

Then as I continued on to the gospel of Luke, Zechariah has this to say,
78 Because of God’s tender mercy, the morning light from heaven is about to break upon us, 79 to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, and to guide us to the path of peace.”

How do I forget that without Christ, we truly would be abandoned and without a hope? We would be ending with Malachi, in despair and empty observance of a God that has not yet come back to dwell with us. But God's great love gave us the rest of the story and because of Him we can continue on to read the only event that gives us any hope in this world filled with sin. Blessed be the God who did not leave us.