My 3rd culture kid

As Gabe gets older and becomes more aware and more interested in fitting into the culture around him I have become acutely aware of how the choices we have made are affecting him. The other day we went to watch the Super Bowl with my dad and though he was politely enthusiastic during the game, during the ride home he talked non-stop about "real football" or soccer as we call it in America. Like many kids around the world, he loves soccer and particularly English soccer. He knows far more about English soccer clubs than about any American teams. Talking about his dreams for the future he said, "Maybe I could be the back-up goalie for Manchester City and then when the starting goalie is hurt I would have my chance!" His words left me feeling sad as I comtemplated the fact that he might never get to see an English football game, let alone play in one. In an attempt to create some enthusiasm for a sporting event he might have a chance of experiencing I said, "Wouldn't it be fun to play for the Chicago Fire Soccer team? Their stadium is near Elijah's house." Resounding silence.

Gabe doesn't have many American influences beyond his family. In some ways, our lifestyle is a wonderful opportunity to see and appreciate the wide world. But in another way, I see how we are laying the foundation for an ultimate sense of rootlessness. We try to help him appreciate and love his home country, not for America itself, but to give him a sense of who he is and where he comes from. Our community here in Southeast Asia, though strong and relatively stable, is somewhat ephemeral and will likely not be here in the same form when he is trying to establish himself as an adult. For that reason, we want him to feel comfortable and grounded in the country and the family that he is likely to return to at some point in the next decade. However, at such a distance it's easy for it to seem foreign and uninteresting. I know that it's important to see heaven as our only home, but I also think God made us to feel a bond to our families and our roots. I see many 3rd culture kids struggle as they try to find their place sometimes they fail. I'm never sure how to handle this issue. I don't know whether to talk to Gabe most about the potential difficulties of his situation, thus leading him to believe that he is at a disadvantage (which I don't ultimately believe is true) and different than others or to emphasize that benefits of his varied life and risk leaving him feeling guilty if he feels out of place when he returns the States. It's a dilemma I haven't been able to solve in the 9 years I've been thinking about it.

A Quiet Thanksgiving

"I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set aside and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens."-Thanksgiving Proclamation, Abraham Lincoln

This is probably the quietest Thanksgiving I've ever had. With nearly everyone we know out of town for the week, Eric in Korea for a conference and Gabe sick, we won't be celebrating Thanksgiving with a big meal. Also, Cambodia is unusually quiet today as we observe a day of mourning for the tragedy on Monday. It's circumstances like this that reduce a holiday to original reason for celebrating. In this case, it's gratitude. And I do feel gratitude. Yesterday I was feeling very alone as I cared for Gabe who was very ill and worried about how I would get him to the doctor or get more medicine if I needed to. I worried about who would help me if I got sick as our neighbors and closest friends are out of town. But then both Eric's and my parents called and promised to pray and one of the few friends left in town dropped by with some Sprite for Gabe. Today, I woke up feeling grateful: grateful that I feel fine, grateful that Gabe is feeling a bit better, grateful for the prayers. I also feel grateful that no one I know or love died on Monday. And I'm grateful for family and good friends, two (mostly) healthy kids and a good God. So this morning I sat with the kids and thanked God for all He does for us. It was a good Thanksgiving.

If I had to guess...

...Eric's favorite bit of being father to a baby it would be this:

Cold Snap

While you all in the States were having a Halloween week-end, we were having a three day week-end to celebrate the king father's birthday. It was a gem of a week-end. It started on Friday with a beautiful sunny day and a cool breeze. So far we have had 4 days of what the Cambodians call cold weather. It has been in the 80's every day with a cool breeze coming straight down from China. This may not seem very exciting to you, and Cambodians mostly dislike it, but for us expats, it's wonderful. It is thesubject that comes up in every conversation in the last few days and people who have been here longer than we have comment that it is something they've never experienced in Phnom Penh. The weather here is almost always between 90 and 95 degrees and humid, so this is a very welcome change. Anyway, it makes me feel like I'm in a different country. It's sort of like the first warm day after a long cold winter. You wake up, look around and find interest in life again. At the market instead of feeling sweaty and exhausted and ready to escape as quickly as possible, I marvelled at the variety of goods available and wondered why I never stopped to just browse. I felt motivated to accomplish tasks I'd been putting off since arriving back from the States. I cooked and cooked. We finally went to Wat Phnom (a large park around the stupa that houses some Buddha relics), one of the bigger tourist destinations in PP. Molly also decided to start sleeping through the night this week-end, so I felt like a million bucks this week-end.

This picture is from Gabe's Saturday soccer league. We're very grateful that some parents have organized this league. Gabe really enjoys it and it gives him a chance to spend some time away from the concrete jungle in some fields with trees. Gabe is on the right with a classmate, Sam. His coach is on the left and we hear his entreaties to "Pass de ball! (he's African)" about 100 times a game:)

Molly's second month

Even though the month is not quite over, here are a few pics of the second month. In the picture of her and Gabe, Gabe is pretending he is a tuk-tuk driver for Molly. His scooter is the moto and her rolling bouncy seat is the tuk-tuk.

Molly's first month

Traveling back to Phnom Penh

Last week we returned to Phnom Penh in stages:
150 miles on Monday
2000 miles on Wednesday
6779 miles on Friday
1433 miles on Saturday

This strategy worked well-Gabe and Molly both travelled very well.

Wedding on Koh Chang

Here's our family on Koh Chang this past week-end, where we attended a wedding. It was a trip of highs and lows. Koh Chang (in Thailand) is about a 7 hour drive from Phnom Penh. We've gone by bus to Thailand several times since we moved to Cambodia and none of those trips has been at all comfortable. Being 6 1/2 months pregnant, I hoped we could find another way. A couple of weeks ago our superintenent offered the use of his van for the trip as we don't have a car. His family had made the trip over April break and it had gone very smoothly. This was generous of him as he has five kids and the van is their only vehicle. Anyway, we weren't sure how long the border-crossing would take, but we figured if we left very early, we would make it by afternoon. Cambodia being a hot country, many people are up by dawn getting things done at a cooler time of day. We planned to leave at 5:00am, just before dawn. We didn't make that deadline, but managed to leave the house by 6:00.

Getting out of the city was pretty easy and we only hit traffic once we came to the garment factory district. It's hard to appreciate the size of the garment industry in Cambodia until you see the mass-migration of workers in the morning. Most workers don't have their own vehicles and get to work by a variety of means. Many are taken by truck (the truck pictured was huge and it's standing-room only. Thousands upon thousands walk. Some are on the back of land-barges pulled by tractors. Cambodia has touted its garment industry as the humane choice of employment for its workers. I don't know if it's true or not, but I do know there are many, many jobs I've seen in Cambodia that I would not want to do, so perhaps the factories are better work environments. Anyway, you can think of these girls on their way to work when you wear your Cambodian-made clothing.

Beyond Phnom Penh, the drive was pretty. Green fields dotted by trees with cloudy moutains in the distance. We passed one small farming village after another. People were passing the time like they have for generations-planting rice, taking cattle out to pasture, planting gardens, sleeping in hammocks under the house. Outside of PP, the country feels very unsophisticated. At our one gas station stop we were served by ladies who had all worn their pajamas to work. This is convenient for the frequent nap-taking that happens between customers (and who can blame them with the unrelenting heat?) Many men wore no more than underwear (again, who can blame them?)

We made the Thai border by 11:00 and quickly realized that we were one paper short of what we needed to take the van into Thailand. After much calling back to the school, we managed to get what we needed and be on our way to Koh Chang by 1:00. When we got close to the ferry to the island we joined a traffic jam. We hadn't realized that this was a holiday week-end and thousands of people from Bangkok would be joining us for the week-end on Koh Chang. It was a couple of hours before we found out how long the line for the ferry was and when we did, I realized that it would be another couple of hours before we actually got on the ferry. At this point, I abandoned poor Eric. Even though it was a cloudy day, it was still pretty hot in the van and we couldn't open the windows as the notoriously hungry and malarial border mosquitoes joined us every time they had the opportunity. I walked to the pier where the rain and cool wind off the ocean kept the mosquitoes at bay. In spite of the wind and the constant shifting of cars it really was pleasant to sit by the ocean. We made it to the island within six hours of arriving at the ferry.

The resort where the wedding was held was really lovely and all night we heard the sounds of storms For us, who have been waiting for the rains in Phnom Penh, it was a lovely sound. For the rest of the family and friends visiting from Europe, East Asia and America, it had made their vacation less than ideal. Most had been on the island for many days and it had rained and stormed for most of that time, making the usually island activities very difficult or impossible. Thankfully, the wedding day was as perfect as it could be for the month of May. It was sunny and bright, but cooler than it would have been without the previous days of rain. Though everyone else was very hot, for us, it was cool compared to Phnom Penh (probably low-90s instead of upper 90s). The wedding was very small, but it was really lovely. With only 20 or so people, everyone contributed in some way to the wedding. Here is a picture of a fun activity organized by the Dutch contingent (the bride is from the Netherlands).

After lunch everyone headed for the pool, including the bride and groom still in their wedding clothes. The bride's dress didn't seem the worse for the chlorine:) Around dinner time Eric & I, the only guests with a vehicle, drove the new couple to their honeymoon destination.

The next day, we decided to beat the rush off the island and leave in the morning. Unfortunately, many others had the same idea. This time it was sunny and much hotter than the day we had arrived. Gabe & I abandoned Eric shortly after we realized how long the ferry line was. We waited for a little while in an open-air restaurant, but it was too hot to stay for long. I paid the cook at the restaurant to drive me to the pier on his moto. We thought we would wait there, but the only shelter was a very warm warehouse. Gabe & I got on the first ferry 10 minutes later and sailed across to the mainland. Even the Thai people were hot on our shaded ferry ride which tells you how hot the day was. Once on land, Gabe & I paid $1.50 for a ride in the back of a covered pick-up to the nearest town. The pick-up stopped at a KFC which was where we spent the rest of the day until Eric arrived. Judging by the number of pregnant women in KFC, it must have been one of the few air-conditioned refuges in town. Long-suffering Eric had to wait in line for about 5 hours. It was too hot to keep the car running so every time the traffic stopped he got out and took shelter under the trees on either side of the road. We drove the border as quickly as possible, but it was still 4:30 when we finally made it through immigration. It was a slow evening at immigration and the officials wanted to hear all about our trip.

The road beyond the border goes through a large national forest in the Cardamom mountains. It is a lonely drive on winding roads and people usually do not recommend driving it at night. With darkness only 2 hours away, we realized we'd have to stay the night at the border. The best accomodation option was the casino right over the border. Gambling is against the law in Thailand so the Cambodians have built a large casino and hotel right over the border. Although it was depressing to see people gambling for 10 hours at a time, the hotel was on a lovely, lonely stretch of beach. Gabe enjoyed playing in the surf and we had a gorgeous sunset to end a pretty uncomfortable day. Oddly enough, this was the only time we were in the ocean on our island week-end.

The next day we left early and made it back in time for Eric's afternoon classes. We also came back to a house with no electricity, but that's another story.